First off, if you’re in a season where it feels like even the idea of confronting sexual immorality is just too daunting, remember that there is grace and there is freedom. Then, whenever you’re ready to receive it, there is abounding love and forgiveness from our heavenly Father. When Josh and I were dating, this was a consistent struggle & temptation for us. It was one that at times we tried to hide from and ignore. We dated for 2.5 years before we got engaged. During this time we consistently asked each other and asked God, “why do we have to date for so long?”

Well, with each passing year, we learned more about each other, grew deeper in our love for each other, and found a greater appreciation for our Creator’s perfect design, despite our struggles. We are truly blessed to have established a foundation of friendship, understanding, and relationship that I’m confident will lead us towards a healthy marriage.

You are not alone.

The enemy has created a culture of shame that many Christians fall victim to. This culture is masked in lies, deception, shame, and feelings of being unclean. It encourages us to hide, to feel dirty & alone, to keep it to ourselves. Well, let’s clear that up right now.

Just to be clear…

If you are a Christian, that believes that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and the only way to get to the Father is through him. Then, friend, you have already been washed clean thousand times over. Above all, You are made pure through his blood, and you are declared worthy of the eternal love & forgiveness of the Father. Something I fought for years throughout college, was to be aware of the shame culture and fight against it. Sin cannot and will not fester in the light. If I ever shared my testimony with you throughout college, you probably heard me talk about my struggle with sexual immorality. I would not allow the enemy to shame me into hiding it. In fact, I would confess this to absolute strangers at times. I wanted to be as far away from hiding this as possible.

Sexual Immorality is not shameful, but it is sin.

Oftentimes, it wasn’t the lies the enemy was feeding me directly that led me to shame, but the so-called community around me. Christians condemning Christians, rather than accepting and choosing to love. The most powerful conversation I had about this in college was with a bible study leader at the beginning of my sophomore year. She asked if there was anything I needed prayer for or was struggling with. I shared that we struggled with sexual immorality, and at times, it felt hopeless & like we were alone. Then, I told her that we have been through seasons of isolating ourselves from each other, and seasons of just complete disregard. I was brutally honest. And her response changed my heart.

She responded, “well that’s okay. Are you ready to tackle that now?” Grace and love are what she showed me. There was absolutely no judgment or immediate intervention, simply being a friend and loving as Christ would.

My heart at that moment knew that I needed to simply focus on my relationship with Jesus. I’d spent countless months trying to fix this one problem, rather than fixing my eyes on the only perfect one that could.

So my question to you is the same. Are you ready to tackle this right now? Regardless of the answer, I’m here for you and I’ve been exactly where you are now, regardless of where you’re at.

Another question we consistently found ourselves asking was this: “How is it possible that it’s lust outside of marriage, but immediately becomes loves inside of marriage?” A question I’ve been asking for the past 2.5 years. I’d like to share that Josh and I have committed to refraining from sex until marriage. This initially came as a very easy decision after our engagement, but believe me, it has not been without struggle & temptation. I share this because I never could have imagined the clarity I would gain from this. A fog lifted in my judgment. A few days ago, it kind of just occurred to me. What’s the difference between love & lust? The answer is incredibly simple. Love is patient. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the verse we’ve probably heard a billion times.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

How have I never considered this passage in the context of sexual sin? Love is patient; Sex is a beautiful gift, however, we’re told to wait and be patient for many reasons. Specifically our own protection & to keep marriage sacred. It does not dishonor others, who are we to assume that we know better? Is it not dishonoring to our future spouse to tempt them or give in to temptation with them?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It’s a sneaky evil, the way the devil tempts us with sexual sin. Take it from me if you haven’t experienced it yourself. There is a light and joy in turning away and saying no more. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Unfortunately, I hardly felt these characteristics prior to committing to saving sex for marriage. Looking back now, I see that it felt hopeless and I was telling everyone about my struggles out of desperation.

All this to say, if you’re in the fire today, I pray you don’t feel condemnation or shame. I pray you are filled with an overwhelming feeling of grace and peace. And, I pray that you know the Gospel well. The greatest lesson I’ve learned from overcoming this struggle is to fix my eyes upon Jesus. He changed my heart and sent me peace. I placed my trust and my life in the Lord’s control and said let all that I do be for your glory and in accordance with your will, Father.